Woman divorcing husband over cleaning dispute backed: "I'm done" (2024)

A woman has received significant support online after revealing why she wants to divorce her husband.

The woman, 28, known on Reddit as u/throwra-pink_camera8, took to the platform to share that her decision was the result of a long-term dispute. The couple had for some time locked horns over a persistent and escalating disagreement about household cleaning responsibilities. Her post, shared on July 26, has garnered 19,000-plus upvotes and 5,000-plus comments, and her ordeal has struck a chord with readers who understand the toll of living in a perpetually untidy environment.

"I'm at my wits end," the woman said. "Everything changed after marriage … Our biggest problem is cleaning. My husband used to clean up after himself, but after marriage, he just completely stopped with no warning."

The couple had dated for three years and been engaged for one before tying the knot.

"He wouldn't pick up after himself, wouldn't do his agreed-upon chores, and he suddenly became a slob. It's like he's been intentionally dirtying things up," the woman added.

"It is worth exploring why such a drastic and sudden 180 happened after marriage," Vikas Keshri, clinical director and therapist at Bloom Clinical Care in Ontario, Canada, told Newsweek. "The woman's description of the change might hint at some skewed perceptions or preconceived notions he has about marriage and the roles each partner should play."

Still, the woman attempted to remedy the situation on multiple occasions, but to little avail.

"I stopped doing all of my housework out of protest a month into our marriage and I now live in complete and utter filth," she said. "I'm rarely home due to the mess. I part-time live with my sister at this point, and he doesn't even care."

The woman detailed how the home had become riddled with wet food in the sink, bugs, garbage everywhere, and dishes piled high, among other issues.

In a last-ditch effort to salvage their marriage, she issued an ultimatum: clean up that night, or face divorce the next day. Her husband's response was dismissive, suggesting that "cleaning is no longer his job" and accusing her of being unreasonable.

"I told him that if he doesn't clean up tonight, then I'm divorcing him tomorrow," the woman said. "I said if I don't see some progress on the house then we're over.

"He told me that cleaning is no longer his job."

The woman revealed that her "levelheaded" mother-in-law, whom she is close with, is persuading her to reconsider her decision, arguing that the household mess is harmless. She shared at the end of her post that while her mother-in-law may have prompted her to rethink, she knows that she is "done."

Keshri recommends that the woman discuss the issue with her mother-in-law, who might provide valuable insight.

"Given that the wife describes her mother-in-law as the most levelheaded person she's met, it might be helpful for her to discuss this issue with her," he said. "Understanding these aspects might shed some light on why his behavior changed so much after marriage."

Keshri also emphasizes the importance of a mediated, open discussion to resolve the conflict.

"The couple should find a quiet, private time to sit down and talk, where they can both share their grievances," he added. "Involving an unbiased mediator, like a counselor, could be extremely beneficial. A counselor can help facilitate this conversation using techniques from Dialectical Behavior Therapy (DBT)."

Dialectical Behavior Therapy (DBT) is a type of cognitive-behavioral therapy that aims to identify and change negative thinking patterns and push for positive behavioral changes.

Despite Keshri's more measured opinion, viewers online have overwhelmingly supported the woman's decision to prioritize her mental health and well-being over her marriage.

"Walk away now. Think of how awful it will be if you decide to have children. Find someone who will respect you," one user wrote.

Another added: "Take photos repeatedly and send them to his mother. Show her exactly what you are dealing with and dog shame him."

"No, just leave. Stop wasting your time. You don't have to prove anything to your mother-in-law, her opinion doesn't matter," a third user shared.

"You're married now so he thinks you're trapped and will have to clean. Sorry you married a child. You're not his mom. He needs to clean his own messes, and then some," another said.

Another added: "The 'no longer his job' line made me want to drive you to the attorney's office to start the divorce.

Newsweek reached out to u/throwra-pink_camera8 for more information via Reddit.

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